I have the best big sister in the whole world… I received a belated Christmas package from her yesterday. After a truly hard day, one of those days where the reality of what’s happened in my life is very clear and painful. One of those days where no matter what other good things happen it still cannot pull you out of the sadness. I made it through the day – with plenty of tears – and when I got home from work there was a belated Christmas package waiting for me from my sister. Inside were two extremely precious bracelets and one of the kindest and most loving letters I’ve ever received.

The first bracelet says “Be brave, like I know you are” – a quote from a passage I found and posted here some time back. And the second says “For we carry what we love inside us… Always, Andrew”. As soon as I read his name there I lost it… profuse amounts of crying. Don’t let that make you feel sad, it was one of those really good cries. The heavy sobbing cathartic kind that leaves you cleansed. The kind where each tear meant so many things – the missing of him, the release of the sadness, and also the feeling of knowing my sister understands and is there for me.

My sister and I have always been close, but never really as emotionally close or open as probably either of us have wanted. This tragedy has broken down any barriers we previously had – it is one of the most precious blessings to have come out of losing him. We talk and text more often, we share more emotionally about our daily lives, and I feel like we have the kind of bond now that I’ve always wanted us to have. And that is something that even on the worst of horrible days, even after losing the most important person in my life and going through the darkest place I’ve ever lived through, can still fill my heart with love. Thank you sis, I love you.